I Believed A Lie For Too Long
- Lisa Henry Harper
- Aug 17, 2020
- 5 min read
Updated: May 13
Tribe of Dope Stories
The truth or lie never matters. What matters is what we believe.
When we believe a lie for too long the truth doesn't set us free without cost, the truth tears us apart. What we believe shapes who we are. Belief is powerful. Belief will bring salvation or destruction. When we believe a lie for too long, separation from that lie has the power to break us in Spirit.
Separation Creates Pretenders...
His passing was bitter-sweet. My grandfather lived in a time when social norms separated black men from living free in masculine power. He was forced to settle and be okay with it. His dreams, (separated), from manifesting into reality. Separation is a slow death and a thief. It steals oxygen slowly until the fire in us suffocates. My grandfather was a difficult man. At times he was careless with people. I chose to believe that separation was why he was often demanding and rude. Some say he was a bully, others say he was God sent, charming, and charismatic.
I would describe him as a pretender of sorts, not a hero or villain, but a family man walking on eggshells around separation. I watched him tiptoe to stay connected to food, water, and shelter. Imagine being separated from food and water with your wife and kids. Separation is a slow death, an opportunistic thief. Did he love us? Of course, he did. We didn't die. We survived, thrived, and lived life. He did what he believed needed to be done. Remember, the only thing that matters is what we believe.
The truth or lie never matters, however, a lie is more valuable than the truth in some situations. A lie can preserve sanity as an illusion of protection. Protection is necessary when sanity may be lost, however, lying to yourself will cost you and those you dearly love. Did he know how to love? He was at war with separation. He didn't have time to wage war with himself.
This is where I ask you, "Are you sure that what you believe is the truth?" The hardest story to tell is your own. It comes with a cost.
My Story Begins...
Turnip and mustard greens, hot peppers, tomatoes, and cucumbers are in my memory.
I would sit for hours watching my grandfather work his vegetable garden and tend his roses.
The different hues and kinds of roses seemed supernatural to me. The red velvet textures, the satin ivory whites, and the summer yellow roses told me to freely breathe. The concrete patio was my refuge where fear had no power. I was free.
Grace introduced herself to me in the garden. She hovers over primordial water overflowing heart and soul. She soothes the spirit-of-man, and is my Ein Sof, my nothing without end.
Nourishes me in the realm of water. What I discern and believe is the path I choose to live. She taught me taught me freedom isn't free. Whatever path I choose comes with a cost.
The movement of wind and roses put me into a trance so deep, that I didn't hear the sounds made as my grandfather was breaking and turning over the dirt. So deep, that I blocked out the sounds the garden tools made as I watched him build the garden rows.
I journeyed with Spirit, worlds-within-worlds. I traveled into other worlds of space and time without moving from my spot on the concrete patio.
With every move the roses made against the wind and with every roll of sweat that dripped from his skin, I witnessed how one protects the valuable works of God, clearly.
My grandfather's teachings about my place and value in the world didn't parallel with what was shone. His teachings could not dim the spark of light gifted me that day sitting on the concrete patio. Yes, I see clearly.
The Silent Generation...
I watched him for years cultivate and care for his vegetable and flower gardens. I saw him nurture three pear trees, a fig tree, a strawberry patch, and a few pecan trees. He showed great respect and empathy for the pecan trees the year they were sick. He nursed them round the clock and saved two of them. There was a belief, an expectation of the same love times two would be poured. However, I believed a lie for too long and it cost. Then one day a faint whisper said sweetly, hello.
Grace introduced herself to me in the garden. She is primordial water overflowing my heart, the soul, soothed my mind, and became my Ein Sof, "my nothing without end." Nourishes me in the realm of water. "What I discern and believe is the path I choose to live." She taught me taught me freedom isn't free. Whatever path I choose comes with a cost.
My grandfather's garden was what he held most dear. I remember how he loved his garden, and how much his garden loved him. They believed in each other without any doubt. I had witnessed the power of belief right before me and didn't see the wonder and glory of its power. It wasn't my time of knowing and understanding ethereal relationships. My spirit was too young, naive, and fragile. Remember the truth will tear you apart.
My belief system was influenced first by the silent generation and then the baby boomers. As with most black families headed by the silent generation, he grew fruits and vegetables. He fed his family and shared his crops with the community he believed in and protected. We were a proud Southern Baptist family with our grandfather as the head of the family, which he reminded us all on occasion. Especially when too much free-thinking was going on.
In 2020, the Covid-19, pandemic took my grandfather and then my mother, his oldest, three weeks later. This is when I understood what I unconsciously discerned in the garden about how to protect the valuable works of God.
I believed a lie for too long and it cost. There was a shift in the atmosphere and belief. I was an unprotected valuable work of God. I ask you again, "Are you sure that what you believe is the truth?" The truth doesn't set you free without cost, the truth tears you apart, until it doesn't.
The hardest story to tell is your own. Your testimony will set you free, but not without cost.
To my departed maternal family, Da-Da, Mama, Mimi, and Wayne, may the Lord watch between me and thee while we are absent one from another. Amen.
Inspired by the cyberpunk science fiction series, Altered Carbon. Science fiction is a fortune teller of futuristic technology. "I believed a lie for too long." - Takeshi Kovacs
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